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| I tell myself that when it comes to writing, the important thing is to actually write in the first place. A rough draft may not be great, but at least it is better than nothing. I won't gain anything from inaction.
Today I started reading Frankenstein, written by Mary W. Shelley. Perhaps almost as fascinating as her story is the story of, well, her. She was around the age of 18 when she came up with the idea for the story, and met many interesting people (i.e. noted thinkers/writers) in her life: William Godwin (father), Percy Bysshe Shelley (husband), Lord Byron, Samuel Coleridge, etc. I had more to say on this subject, but I'm running into a roadblock here, so I'll keep moving on.
Right at the start of Frankenstein there's a rather interesting mini-story told, one that isn't given much focus, but it really captured my thoughts. The narrator at that point is Captain Walton, who is sailing toward the North Pole In hopes of discovering things. He briefly mentions the story of one of his sailors:
The man was in love with a Russian woman of fairly high status. In order to have a chance of marrying her (gaining her father's approval), he had to work very hard to accumulate wealth, although it seems like he didn't really care much about being rich. So he gets her father to let him marry her, and things seem to be going well until the day before marriage--the person he loves cries and confesses to him that she is actually in love with someone else, a poor man whom her father would never agree to. At some point the guy had used his earnings to buy some land that he had planned they could live on together. So what did he do? Called off the marriage, gave his wealth to the guy the girl loved, made the girl's father let her marry the person she loved, and he left the country.
I thought it was fairly... tragic? That isn't the right word I'm looking for. I just think it's amazing--the guy gave up his fortune and the person he loved so she could find happiness, leaving him with... nothing really, and he ends up a nobody, just some sailor no one cares about. It's an incredible kind of selflessness that I find admirable. But on the other hand, isn't self-sacrificing a bad thing in a way? I'm not sure. Anyway, I thought it interesting that a very short story was included in there, when I think said story could easily be the basis for a novel or something.
Oh, as for the rest of Frankenstein so far--it's interesting. It's rather comfortable to read, not overly convoluted or descriptive, but on the other hand because of its readability sometimes I go too fast and realize that I just went through several paragraphs without knowing what it was talking about. There was a quote I liked which I jotted down from Page 56:
"A human being in perfection ought always to preserve a clam and peaceful mind, and never to allow passion or a transitory desire to disturb his tranquility."
In context, this quote is made by Victor Frankenstein (the creator of the Frankenstein monster) when reflecting over the period while he was frenzied and obsessed with building the monster.
From what I understand from the introduction, this quote reflects the views of the author's father, William Godwin, whom she greatly adored.
I like it because, blandly speaking, I agree. Rather, "in perfection" or not, I think it's the kind of conduct I want to strive for, staying level-headed and keeping a "calm and peaceful mind" throughout good and bad times.
I'm running into further blocks and can't think of other things to say, so I'll stop here.
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| I'm here. I didn't post because I didn't know what to say. Even now I still don't. How can I? It's so tough because I feel a great amount of pressure.
Perhaps I placed it upon myself, but when I don't respond to people, I get afraid. I feel too embarrassed to face them again, because I know I'd try to pretend nothing happened, when that isn't true. You can't just ignore people and shrug it off. I'm sorry. It's tough to apologize for something so simple--that if I didn't put off things, wouldn't need any explanation.
But well, I return.
My head is swimming. It's times like these when I feel most emotionally vulnerable. Indeed, I've been getting sentimental over things lately--a simple story or a movie, for example.
I keep promising myself not to let myself repeat the same mistakes, but I keep breaking my promises. And I can't run away from myself. So I ignore things as long as I can, but in the process... start to lose sight of important things I need to do. Deadlines pass, I sleep at odd hours, and I start to screw up my life again, when I wanted to get back on track.
What in the world am I writing about, anyway...? And for whom?
I need to face everything square in the face. Resolve the unspoken things. Return to square one.
And then--
I can move forward again.
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| I'll be back in California briefly for about two weeks. My flight there is tomorrow. I'll be in the Bay Area, so... well, I hope I'll be able to see some of you guys again.
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| Driving home. 2 lanes. 55 mph speed limit. I'm in the right lane.
That's when I saw
right on the broken white line in the center of the road
crawling
crossing the road
a turtle.
Good luck to it. Already half-way there.
But I'm not certain if it made it to the other side.
If we decide to personify it
Would you say that is courage or temerity?
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| Well, not really a return. I dug through my old files and found a few more "Music Jam Sessions" I had with my former roommates when I was still in Irvine. Here's 3 that are presentable (enough), taken back in April 15, 2007.
Messing with the chords for La Bamba. HL on guitar, ZR does the clapping, yelling, and playing the main keyboard, and I was just screwing around in the background on keyboard as well.
Something random. ZR wanted to try playing percussion on my keyboard. HL and I did random plucking.
A rendition of "Upside Down" originally by John Mayer. ZR and HL are the vocalists, HL also played the guitar, and I helped to play a bunch of incorrect notes on the violin.
Looking back at these events from two years ago, all I can say is that I miss being able to play music with those guys. Collaboration is a lot more fun than just solo-ing on piano, or (worse) violin.
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